Product information

Key features
Durable wooden surface; saves the knife-edge.
The weight provides a stable base for cutting.

Designer: Tord Björklund
Product dimensions:   Length:19 " (48 cm);   Width: 13 ¾ " (35 cm);   Thickness: 1 ½ " (4 cm);
Care Instructions: Should be oiled before using for the first time and then at regular intervals. Handwash only.

Product Description: Solid birch

 

I am convinced that had there been an Ikea location in Fullerton CA in the late 40s, Leo Fender would have surely gone to Ikea and bought this cutting board to make his first prototype Broadcaster. All you vintage guitar morons would now be paying a million dollars for Leo's cutting board. George Gruhn would be selling it to a Wall Street shyster. I hope the travesty which was the vintage guitar market is dead for good. You poor bastards with expensive collections of warped junk guitars better have a yard sale and get what you can before prices represent what they are "truly" worth.

I was at Ikea about 2 years ago but unlike a tinkerer I got very excited when I spotted this cutting board. In fact I got as excited as a tinker would be over a PRS flamed private stock 11 top. Now, that's pretty excited, to say the least.

As I was saying, this cutting board was just the right size I needed. The thickness is thinner than a traditional Telecaster, which is normally 1.75". This chopping block is only 40mm thick but exactly what Leo Fender used for his first Pine prototypes. Isn't that cool and what a coincidence? You bet I got excited on my trip to Ikea. While the tinkerer gets the most expensive fancy wood, I got my cutting board. If this bothers you then you will have to immediately get some solace from the Circle Jerk groups (guitar forums) of your choice.

After buying it at Ikea, this butcher block just sat there for 2 years and I wasn't quite sure when I would use it. I needed an impetus. Then I read somewhere a quote from Brad Paisley. He said "a Tele is nothing more than a cutting board, a baseball bat and strings". Well that did it for me. I knew what the next Z guitar was going to be, I already had my body wood. I wanted to meet Brad's challenge. So here it is Brad, you cutting board is ready to play. Show what a real cowboy you are and stop playing your kit guitars and play a real hand made guitar from a real cutting board. It will be the best Tele you have ever played and will ever play. Luckily you do qualify for a Z guitar and so does your friend Keith Urban. You have both been pre-qualified.

Someone get a hold of Brad, tell him I want to talk to him and don't forget to mention that I'm much nicer in person. I am always looking for players but never pay anyone to play my stuff. PRS has to do that, I don't..

This is no lame-ass Fender Telecaster. Any Circle Jerk can buy one of those through their favorite guitar boutique, assembled by a Fender "Master Builder" from CNC parts, at the Fender Custom Shop. At a guitar boutique a Circle Jerk can receive even more jerking from the boutique staff who speak the same language of a Circle Jerk. Who the hell are these Fender "Master Builders" anyway? What a bunch of frauds. It sounds like something Al Gore would invent.

This is the real deal handmade musical instrument, which is very rare these days. It has a powerful Tele bridge pup to balance with the strong P90 in the neck position. I always wanted to put a neck P90 in the F1. Very warm and thick. Its like having a biting Tele and a jazz archtop all in one guitar. I also wanted to decrease the scale length a bit just to see what happens. The perfect set of strings on this baby is ZOG 9+, with the more severe optimization to compensate for the lower scale. I can even tune down and do alternate tunings no problem, thanks to Zachary Optimized Gauges, for which you will never forget me until you die and beyond.

So, is this the best Tele ever made?
Let's put it to you this way, if you haven't progressed from a guitar-boutique guitar, then you also need to get a PRS and you surely belong on the Circle Jerk forums. If you already own a Fender and a PRS then you must already be one of the more popular head Circle Jerks (pun intended) and a member of countless Circle Jerk groups.

This is where guitar art, science and religion are at. Right here. Nowhere else.
I live the guitar and importantly I care about you. The large corporation does not give a shit about you or the guitar. The only benefit being if you are on their payroll,which would however make you shamefully demoralized to stoop that low or desperate to have to sell your soul like that.

They fooled you into believing that making a perfect reissue of what Leo made, means programming the CNC machine and spraying on the plastic.
Ouch ... that is making me sick. Not so much what they do but that you swallow the load.
The only way to make the perfect reissue of what Leo made, is to make it the same way Leo did. Hear this Fender "Master Builders"?

Until next month ... when I will bring you another cheerful, optimistic and uplifting message. ...Joel Osteen move on over.

Players Wanted!

Oh fuck! I can't stop laughing! You crack me up dude! To think that's every bit a Zachary, and will blow in the weeds all the other shit you have just bagged, with a simple chopping board! That's GOLD I tell ya!! You better make some room in your "Idiot Page", you're ganna need it!!...LoL! Orlando

Hahahaha!!... A fucking chopping board!! I love it!! That's GOLD mate! I actually really do love it! If only they would know how it plays, and how it sounds, but they will never know, unless they already have a Z. What's next? One of those wooden toilet lids?? Would it matter? So long as it's wood you can turn it into anything you want. Shine on Alex! I hope you keep shocking everyone for a long time!

You know Alex, I cannot see how you could have used a baseball bat for the neck, but you may have gotten away with a cricket bat!! Oh fuck! A chopping board and a cricket bat!! Anyhow, great work, great art, and great humor! Shine on!    Orlando

I love it. It speaks for itself. Certainly it will sound wonderful. The P90 is a nice enhancement. Personally I prefer the standard Tele hat switch, but I am sure this one works just fine. Plus it seems like a good idea to have a guitar you can flip over and slice some cheese with. Certainly someone should buy this right away. It is a true classic in every sense. Makes me feel guilty in having a fancy finish on my F1-C.   
Well I like it. I am not easily insulted so I can't say who would be that matters. Yes the Circle Jerk thing is too severe for pre-teens and the family channel. But I don't think that is your target audience. Actually some pre-teens could use this message so they can obsess over a real guitar for the right reasons and not some plastic trash.   Frank

Alex, I like the new BBT (Butcher Block Tele). Literally, a butcher block, baseball bat, and strings. The P-90 in the neck position must sound great. You had me cracking up and must have the tinkerers fuming with your commentary - in addtion to your guitar. Better to be a butcher block designer like old Tord Björklund than a tinkerer. This F1 is ready to be oiled up and played hard. Mark

That is a wild instrument. You are really going for the shock factor....I am not sure how that will effect your average guitar enthusiast....but it is certainly a one of a kind pic and a one of a kind guitar. The combination of the (easy bending) shorter scale and the P90 in the neck position.....i would like to hear that sound. This is a Z hybrid guitar....part authentic tele and part something else. Eli

Your new F1 is really cool. I like the artistic pictures. The color of onion and knife blends perfectly with the color of the butcher block. Nice textures. It should be on the cover of food/cooking magazines. What a hilarious sight. No one has ever done this before. Zach

What did I see? A fucking choppin' block with an onion on it. What a magnificent guitar. As usual you are right in the face of the other guitar companies and magazines. This guitar says Kiss My Ass you ignorant bastards!    Love it ... where do you come up with this shit?
The volume/tone knobs are killer; looks like they could be used as a medieval weapon. The P90 is brilliant. All you fuckers out there playing your free piece of shit endorsed guitars must be sitting at home right now, playin' with yourself. Wackin' off to the ultimate guitar porn; wishing you would stop being so stupid and BUY a Zachary. Eagle

Hi Alex, Just stopped in for a look at the latest F1. Great creation. It must have been downright fun for you putting it together.

The last time I walked into a music store I had to laugh. You have to wonder sometimes if these people in these stores are for real, or if they just act the way they do for the purpose of selling guitars. I have to look them in the eye and listen to them talk to see if they are trying to tell the truth. It's scary. These people, most of them, actually believe this crap they try to talk you into.

I would have at least a little respect for them if they were to pull me aside and whisper in my ear, "Y'know, all this crap I'm talking really don't mean anything at all, none of it's true, and I do it only because I need to earn a living, to put some meat on the table. That's all. If you want a real guitar, I have to tell the truth, I really don't even know what a real guitar is or where to get one." Of course, I don't wait for any of them to say such things, because I know that the words will never come out of their mouths to begin with.

And so I can only send them to your Web site for an education. I don't know how many of them actually visit your site or if any of them buy anything from you, but you can rest assured that I don't leave them without giving them your Web address. And, so, this is how the world turns. Congrats on another great guitar. They should all be made out of butcher blocks and chunks of pine, instead of all that garbage wood they are always using. Ted Noiz

Alex, An Ikea butcher block is versatile in that it can be used for a range of slashing, cutting and hacking styles and techniques. It is resonant as well with a strong emotional impact. I just hit my head with it, and I can clearly hear a ringing tone and see birds and bees. The block even responds well to my hitting technique. A soft hit is decidedly different from a hard. Certainly it is durable and wears well. It is meant to be used every day, adding to its character over time. Finally, it is a time machine, bringing back memories of tasteful moments. A great guitar must possess all of the same characteristics. The 070209 is at the cutting edge of guitar making. You got it just right. Otto

Hi there, I just wanted to drop you a line to let you know how cool the butcher block F-1 is. Being a real live butcher myself and a guitar player for many years, it almost seems like you made that guitar for me. I actually play at the store 3 nights a week. I have an open jam session that I try to limit to the up and coming local kids and old farts, such as myself. No "boutique" players allowed! (Ha). I have some pics of me playing in the meat shop and the deli. I'll try to dig some up--I think you would get a chuckle out of it. I'm bummed that the guitar is out of my guitar working capitol limit -$1500 :( , but I've been dropping major hints to my wife and kids. Father's Day is right around the corner! I'll keep my fingers crossed, as I have already sent your website to her e-mail. Thanks for your time, and, again, fabulous guitar. Dan (butcher shop and deli owner)

Actually if the guy can play, that would be cool to get a video of him jamming in a meat market with that guitar. Frank

Hahaha, that is hilarious if an actual butcher bought the guitar - and even has a good attitude toward guitars/playing. How appropriate! He probably enjoys the bit of onion fragrance as well. Who knows maybe he plays with a cleaver in it. Yeah, as Frank said some photos/vid of him playing at the shop would be over the top! Mark

Even more than pics (which would be great), I would like to hear if he can make some cool sounds with that thing....
what a cool guitar w/ the p90 and shorter than usual scale. Eli

Who the heck does this bozo think he is???He builds a piece of junk out of a cheapass cracked butt ass ugly cutting board,and has the audacity to charge that price,and rank on PRS to boot.Little wanker.   doody   (anonymous circle jerk)